The Ruined Wrist
Left, right, left,
right. Swish the gentle touch of the wind picked up my hair. I left tracks
through the hard, wet, grey concrete. Pumping my arms the wheel raced at
lightning speed. Stumble, trip, hand out, oh no. The pain throbbed like a knife stabbing you again and again.
The hard concrete made me feel like I had pins and needles through my hurt body. Sitting in terrible pain I knew the feeling.
I put my arm over my throbbing wrist. Jordan my brother didn't come to help me
because I didn't scream and I didn't want to tell him that I hurt my wrist. I
put my left hand very gently on my wrist. I walked as slow as a slug over to
the wooden step near the orange door. Then I took off my skates. The pain grew
stronger as I tried to undo my laces. Step by
step I walked towards the door. As soon as I got inside I waited for mum and
dad to get home so I could tell them about my wrist. So Mum
took me to the doctors. We walked in. While mum had
a conversation with the lady at the
counter I sat down. “Emily” the nurse called
up. We walked into a room with a doctors bed covered with a white shade. The
nurse said after a little chat to mum and me. “We
need to get an x ray”. So I did. After the x ray, I got to see my x
ray there was a green stick fracture in my bone so I got a back slab for 2
weeks and a
full cast on and I chose a colour which was yellow. I wasn’t surprised that I broke an another
bone.
Some people think titles are not important Emily, but your 'Ruined Wrist' certainly made me want to find out why, what, where, how and when, and your writing answered all those questions for me. It also had me almost feeling your pain - the pain in your 'hurt body.' I really like the contrasting images in that sentence - the cold, stiff, hard concrete being just the opposite of the trembling, pins and needles pain in your hurt body. I also have an immense impression of bravery - no panicked running or screaming, just the horrid, quiet knowledge that you had broken another bone. Bless!
ReplyDeleteVery effective use of direct speech too Em.
Mrs C
Fab story ems, I am very proud of your brave response - you are such asensible, responsible wee lass........I love how you have recaptured this eve t in your life.
ReplyDeleteMum